Where was my mirror??

I am blogging while I am work.  Not typical of me but I could not wait.  I had to get this off my chest and out there.  I am just warning you that this may be "too much information" for someone to read.  As most people know about me - I don't really hold back :)  Besides - if you read my first blog - this blog is for me.  For me to get everything out.  I can't get things out if I have to guard what I say, right?

I did not have the kids last night.  So I went to bed a little earlier than normal and I slept in a little later this morning.  When I woke up I realized that I had a consultant from work that was going to be in the office waiting for me.  I sent her a message letting her know I would be late.  Then I had to kick it into high gear to get ready this morning.

Now that I am losing weight not all of my clothes fit me anymore.  So - even though all of my laundry is clean (not put away, but clean) I have to sort through things to find something that fits.  I didn't have time for that this morning.  So I just grabbed a pair of pants and a shirt.  I through my clothes on - knowing that at least they matched and I ran out the door.

I am driving into work.  I realize that there is this big stain on my pants.  Like donut sized stain.  It's not real obvious, but its there.  I rush into work.  Passing by everyone in the hall.  Hoping no one sees my stain.  

I met with the consultant.  Then I headed to the basement to get some water and a quick restroom break.  This is when I decided to look in the mirror.  A BIG mistake.  I look HORRIBLE.  My pants are way baggy on me.  They make my butt look like an old lady's butt (I really hope it doesn't always look like that).  My shirt is too short and it allows my extra belly roll (really flabby now that I am losing weight) show.  Its not hanging out but you can see it in my pants.  I am sure you know what I am talking about.  I didn't have time to put my Spanx on so the roll is there.  It normally does not show but in todays pants it does.

My pants are like a really light khaki color - basically the same color as my legs.  They are dressy capri pants.  So they like blend right in with my legs.  Can't really tell where one begins and the other ends.  Its AWFUL.

I didn't have time to put make up on.  My shoes almost clash with my shirt.  I feel like Mimi from Drew Carey.  I am one of those people that I would look at and think "honey - did you look in the mirror when you got dressed this morning?"   The thing is that I didn't.  I didn't have time.

Now I am so freaking embarrassed.  I don't want anyone to see me.  I am staying glued to my desk and my chair.  I even turned my afternoon meeting into a conference call so I wouldn't have to be seen.  

Last week I sent Jonah to school in his pajama shirt (he is supposed to be in uniform) and today I look like a clown.  I do, seriously.  What is going on with me?  I need to pay closer attention in the mornings.  Maybe wake up 15 min earlier so I have time to look in the mirror.

So on with my day now.  Back to hiding out.  At least I am having a good hair day.  :)

Bank Robbery

Tonite I am going to write about my involvement with a bank robbery.  It was early last summer, so this is a little outdated.  I had several requests for me to write about it.  Yes, seriously - several requests.  :)

It all started early last summer (as I mentioned two sentences ago).  It was a Friday night.  I was lying in bed.  It was around midnight, give or take a few minutes.  Chris mentioned that he had written a check that I knew I did not have enough money in the bank to cover.  I was panicked.  I demanded that he go to the ATM right that minute to put money in the account.  He refused.  Said we could go first thing in the morning before the banks opened.  I KNEW that would not happen.  So I decided I was going alone.

I threw a robe on (not the first time I have gone some where in my robe).  I got in my car and I was on my way.  I was STEAMING mad at this point.  I think my hair was smoking so much heat was coming out of my ears and every where else.  I was livid.  Chris was allowing me to leave the house at midnight to go to an ATM to put money in the bank.  It was his fault.  He should have been doing it.  I was mad.

I started driving.  The bank is about 20 blocks away.  Not too far.  I was on my way.  To put money in the ATM.  Because I was panicked.  I was livid and I was determined.  It was a beautiful night.  Warm outside.  As I was driving there were people out every where.  Just walking, sitting on porches, playing ball in the street.  It was around midnight.  Seemed a little odd.  But its Price Hill on a Friday night.  

In the back of the bank parking lot there is a large white retaining wall that divides the bank parking lot and another business parking lot.  I noticed to black men in white t-shirts crouching down behind the retaining wall.  I noticed them.  I thought at them for a moment.  I thought they were up to no good.  Probably some kind of drug deal.  But who cares.  Nothing I could really do.  They weren't bothering me.

I pulled into the parking lot.  I turned around the corner to the ATM.  There was a car in the lane for the ATM.  It was just sitting there.  Two people in the front seat.  The car was turned off.  I pulled up behind it but stayed a little back.  Then they started their car and drove off.  It seemed a little strange.  But who knows what was going on.  They were in a car parked right in front of a bank security camera.  What could they be doing?

I pulled up to the ATM.  My car was still in drive.  My foot on the brake.  I grabbed my purse to get the money and my ATM card out.  As I grabbed it I had this funny feeling.  Something wasn't right.  I looked in my rear view mirror.  I didn't see anything.  I looked in my side mirrors, nothing.  I went to put my car in park so I could roll my window down and climb half way out the window to get to the ATM.  I put it in PARK.  I put it back in DRIVE.  I felt so off.  I am always so freaking paranoid.  But I try to go with my guts.  I looked again in my rear view mirror.  I noticed one of the guys that had been crouching down behind the retainer wall was walking up the side walk.  No big deal.  That was far from me.  Then I looked in my side mirror.

There hiding behind the large trash can behind the building was the other guy.  Peeking around the trash can watching me.  As soon as I saw him he took off running towards me.  I gunned the gas.  I took off into the street.  Not even checking to see if cars are coming.  I was lucky.

I called 911 immediately.  The operator answers the phone.  "911 what's your emergency?"  I frantically and hysterically explain I was almost robbed at the ATM.  The operator for some odd reason believes I have been hurt.  He keeps saying "Ma'am are you ok? - Are you hurt?"  "Where I you?"  I explain to him - I was not robbed.  I was almost robbed.  I am not hurt.  I could have been hurt.  I am driving down the road.  I was at the Nat City ATM on Glenway next to Walgreens.  He says "Ma'am, you need to calm down.  I can't understand you."  So again - I explain everything.  He then wants me to DRIVE back to the Nat City to figure out what the cross road is called.  Because an officer may not know where the Nat City next to Walgreens is.  I know they would have known.  But he didn't care.  I could not believe I was driving back to the scene of this almost bank robbery that I was just involved in.  

The operator wants to know now that the "almost" robbers looked like.  I told him that they were african americans, wearing something white on their heads, white t-shirts and dark pants.  At this point I am driving back towards the bank.  I am almost hysterical at this point.  I was so upset and so scared.

I see the two guys walking down Glenway towards Rosemont.  So I tell the operator right away.  He confirms - walking on Glenway from Sunset towards Rosemont.  Then I turn onto the side street next to the bank.  I saw two more black guys wearing white tshirts, white things on their heads and dark jeans.  So I explain to the operator that they are now on (whatever the side street name is) st heading away from Glenway.  Then I turn on to the next street on my way home and notice two more black guys wearing white things on their heads, white t-shirts and dark pants.  I explain to the operator that I see two more - I explain that they are everywhere.  I don't know where they are.  I am scared.  Just send the officers.  

The operator asks me for my phone number and address so the officer could reach me if he needed.  Then he asked me to drive home and calm down.  He then hangs up.  I drive home.  I am shaking and all upset.

I turn on to our street.  I realize all of this is Chris's fault.  I pulled in the drive way.  Jumped out of the car.  Ran upstairs.  Drug Chris out of bed.  I demanded that he goes back up there with me.  I MUST put the money in the ATM.  I tell him what happened.  I am still in tears.  But I am angry at this point.

Chris decides he needs to take a knife.  A kitchen butcher knife.  I was like "what the hell".  He said it was for protection.  We went outside to go.  But the kids were in bed.  Luckily our neighbor Elyse was outside smoking a cigarette.  She notices I am in a panic and asked if there was something wrong.  I explain I was involved in a bank robbery and had to go back up there.  Can she listen for the boys.  

She says yes only if Chris put his knife away.  Then Eddie - Elyse's boyfriend shows up  out of no where.  Chris tells him I was involved in a bank robbery.  Eddie grabs his gun and insists on following us.  At this point things are a little out of control.  But - I needed to put my money in the ATM.  So I could care less.  Just get me to the ATM.

So we drive.  Eddie follows.  As we are driving there is not a sole outside.  Not even a cop car driving around.  We pull into the bank parking lot.  No one is there.  I am constantly looking around.  Nothing.  Chris does his thing.  Nothing going on.

We leave and we come home.  We go to bed.  My money was in the bank.  I was happy.

That is the story of how I was involved in a bank robbery.  I was a victim.  It was very traumatic.  

Tomorrow I will have a more up to date blog.  Have a good night.

Bump in the Night

The night has so many noises.  The city has so many noises.  Old houses have so many noises.  Add them all together and you have my situation.  I lie in bed at night and I hear EVERY noise.  Usually, I lie in bed hear the noises and then hide under my blankets.  That way if someone is breaking in they will never find me.  :)

Tonite, I was sitting on the couch covered up in my blanket in just my tshirt.  I was working and chatting on line.  Then suddenly I hear a large noise in my basement.  I swear someone was breaking in my door down there.  I start to panic.  I am too scared to get up.  I am in my underwear so I don't want to uncover - what if they see me??  So I am chatting explaining how freaked out I am.  They are concerned at first but then realize I do this all of the time.  I just can't help it.  What if I was right?

So the only thing I could possibly do.  I fake call the police.  This was so that they can hear me calling the police, then they will run and get the heck out.  If there is no one really there - well then I am not actually calling the police and making a fool of myself.  I continue to hear noises every so often.  I turn the volume on my tv down when I hear a noise and back up when I don't hear anything else. Its up and down and up and down.  Then I stomp my feet on the floor so that they know I am awake, while I am fake calling the police.  I will get these bad, terrible, guys to leave.  

I calm down.  I listen.  I hear it again.  Is it the refrigerator?  No.  It can't be that loud.  Wait - yes I think it is.  Silence.  Silence.  Silence.  Wait - there it is again.  Yep - its the refrigerator.  Thank goodness it was only a fake call to the police.  Thank goodness the boys and I are safe.  Thank goodness I didn't have to attack anyone.  Thank goodness.

I was almost a victim of a home invasion.  Very similar to my involvement in a bank robbery.  Maybe I will blog about that sometime, but it is such a better story in person.  Just to clarify since this is a public blog - I was a VICTIM of a near bank robbery

All is calm for now.  Now I must get up and go to bed.  It will all start over again.  I don't like sleeping alone.

A True Experience

I began my day hating myself for signing up. I had to get up at 6am. I had to get the kids up at 6am. What in the world was I thinking?

We got up. We showered and dressed. We stopped for breakfast. We pulled into the parking lot. Typical full parking lot at crossroads. We walked in. I can't tell you the mass numbers of people walking around. All in white t shirts with large red stickers on. It was so unbelievable. I felt like I was in the pit of the stock exchange. It was so amazing. All of these people. All here for the same reason. All here to serve Cincinnati in a way that is unprecedented.

We found our way to our assigned project. It was a room in the kids club. Not too many people. We got the details, the boys played a few minutes. Then it was off to the auditorium for a quick praise and worship. I wish I could describe to you the feeling there was in the room. The room was packed with over 5,000 (yes 5,000+) volunteers, there to serve cincinnati. But not just to serve Cincinnati. But to serve as witnesses of Jesus. To serve for God. To serve for their beliefs. The energy was unbelievable. The boys were even feeling it. The smiles on their faces. The wiggle in their hips. It was all very clear. That six am wake up call - it was all going to be worth it.

We all left to head to our projects. If you can imagine 5,000+ people all leaving at the same time with no police direction - it took a while in the parking lot. I didn't hear one honk. Didn't notice one angry driver. We were all thrilled to be doing what we were doing.

Our assignment was to put on a carnival at a church in OTR for the children of the community. Noah and Jonah volunteered us for the castle bounce. One of the large blow up/bounce things. Yeah. Won't be volunteering to do that again :) Although, I saw smiles on those children's faces that could have lit the darkest night right up. They laughed and jumped and laughed and jumped. They were having a great time. I asked one little boy if he was having a good time. He said this is my best good time I have ever had. It was heart melting. One little boy didn't want to leave without giving me the biggest hug I have received in a very long time (I think my boys owe me one :) ) We had several games, craft tables and activities plus we feed them all. I have never seen children eat so many hotdogs in one sitting with such big smiles on their faces. I would have not traded this day for anything in the world. Then it was time to go. But our day wasn't over.

As we were leaving the original service that morning, David Falk (owner of Boca's and Nadas (my fav)), annouced that he had recruited 9 top Cincinnati chefs and they were going to feed all of the volunteers AND the community for free. He said "This is what you call being in the weeds". They were going to set everything up in Washington Park. In OTR. For you Cincinnatians you know what that means. For those not from around here - that is probably one of poorest/ highest crime rate communities in Cincinnati. I thought we could just drive right there, park, get out, get some food and go. I was so wrong. Of course I was so wrong. How were they going to get over 5,000 people parked and into the park with only street parking available. There were streets blocked off and police directing traffic. We were having to drive down little side streets where the traffic was backed up as far as I could see. With cars parked on the side as far as I could. These streets probably haven't EVER seen this type of traffic. The residents were passing by - just staring. Staring in confusion.

We found a parking spot. We walked. And we walked and we walked. We finally made it. We stood in a very long line for an incredibly short amount of time. They were serving people so quickly there was barely a wait. We had the worlds best macaroni and cheese, collard greens and pulled roast beef. It was good. But the best part of the entire thing was that all of these people, all of these volunteers were sitting down with the community of OTR. We were having conversations and getting to know some of these people, that in our every day lives we would have never have gotten to know or heard their stories. It was such an amazing opportunity for me and the boys to experience. It was just awesome sitting back and watching the interactions (I am so much a people watcher) and looking at the smiles on peoples faces. I can't describe it. I don't believe the best writer could describe what happened today.

I pray that this day has affected people's lives in ways that none of us could ever imagine. I know God's work was delivered today.

I can't wait until next year. Let me know if you want to join me at 6 am next year.

Amanda

Don't they know?

Today was my first day. My first day at my new second job. It was everything I expected. Not good. So what is my job you might ask. I might say I am a marketing rep. That's what they call me. But its a lie. It's a scam. I am one of those annoying people that stand at the door at events begging you to sign up for a sweepstakes. Yeah thats me. How humiliating.

Have I stooped that low (no offense to all of you that do it and do it well?) I felt so dirty and unethical. Don't these people know that they do this drawing once a year - they get at least 400 names per event. The ENTIRE reason they want you to sign up is so that they can call you. Call you over and over and over again. I had a hard time looking people in the eyes as they were signing up. Maybe my conscience is too big. Everyone else doing it seemed just fine doing it. Why can't I be just fine doing it?

They expect us to get 100 people to fill out these forms. I got 33. I know - I suck. Yes, it was my first night. But seriously - I suck. I just can't look at these people and ask them to fill out something that I know is only going to cause them grief.

You want to know how I got 33 names? I asked people to fill out multiples with fake names. I asked little kids to do it (you have to be 21 for them to call you). I filled some fake ones out myself. I know - unethical. But I felt better about screwing the company than screwing the innocent unsuspecting people.

I have never been rejected or hit on so many times in one night. All of the rejections came at the beginning of the night. All of the come ons - those came at the end. Why you might ask - BEER I would tell you. By the end of the night all of the drunk men wanted to take me home. One even tried to convert me to become Catholic. All I can say is they were signing my forms - usually a few forms. :)

My next day for work is Saturday. Will I go back? It's still up in the air. You will have to check back tomorrow to find out. I am now off to do laundry and bed just so I can get up and face the world again.

What to do

I have so much I want to write tonite. But I can't write any of it. That's not like me at all. I can't write it because I am afraid someone will read it. That is crazy - for more than one reason. First I write these so that people can read it. So why am I worried that someone will read it? Second, I doubt anyone is really reading it. So what do I do?

This week has been a long week. A dramatic, chaotic week. I like to say I stay as far away from drama, but it seems lately its all around me. Maybe I am even creating it for myself. But whatever the reason - I don't like it. I know I don't like drama. Although all of my family would say I am very dramatic. But - seriously - I pretend to be dramatic for the effect. To be funny. I am not really all that dramatic on a serious side. But this week I have been dramatic. On the serious side.

Serious stuff happened at work. I seriously felt hurt and upset. It was seriously told to me in a very negative way. Then I was seriously told that it wasn't me. But I didn't take the last part seriously. I seriously thought it was me. That it was seriously something I was doing wrong. I should have seriously listened.

For three days I was upset. For three days I cried everytime I thought about it. For three days I wasted my time being upset. What was I doing? Why didn't I listen? Instead I told everyone not to tell me. That they were just over compensating for doing something wrong. They insisted. But I insisted more and I am stubborn. I am seriously stubborn. I was hurt. I was upset. I took it on people or the person I should have never taken it out on. I lost my trust. I thought I was being thrown under the bus. They told me I wasn't. I wouldn't listen.

They called to tell me. I rolled my eyes. They told me. I wasn't really listening. Then I listened. Something was said and then I listened. It was all a misunderstanding. It was told to me wrong. We had crazy schedules and I didn't know ahead of time. It was poor timing. And I didn't listen.

Today I was dealing with it. I had dealt with it. I was going to be ok. I dealt with it. Then she called. I listened. Now I am on cloud nine and wasted three days.

What do I do?

cutting grass

I know I have already complained to everyone I know about mowing my grass. But I need to let it all out.

I want to say that I used to cut my grass all of the time growing up. It was on a riding lawn mower and ofter topless so I could get a tan. So I am not too good to cut grass.

Last week I knew I needed to cut my grass and it was going to be on my own. I don't have a lawn mower yet so I needed to borrow one. I started asking around. Then it rained almost all week. It was bad. My grass got taller and taller. People saw my grass. It was quite embarrassing. Although it did go well with my 1980's tv sitting on my front porch waiting to go out in the trash!

So this week I knew I had to do it. I borrowed a lawn mower (thanks Chris). Everyone told me I would enjoy it and it would be so relaxing. So I was looking forward to it.

I picked up the mower. Unloaded it (it was very heavy by the way) and then went to start it. I could not find the red button he told me to push first. I looked everywhere. Then some guy walked by and he could tell I had no clue. He showed me how to start it and got it all started and then RELEASED the safety lever. He wanted me to start it myself. That was just plain mean.

I started it and I was on my way. It was going great. Nice vibrations, smelled good and I felt good for doing it. In fact I was ready to start offering to do it for everyone I knew. Free of charge just because I loved it. Then I finished my first circle around the yard. On to my second. I was exhausted, tired and my hands were hurting. Not to mention that my shoes were green. No one told me not to wear my good tennis shoes.

At this point I realize its not fun, but I have to get the job done. I continue. Then suddenly it dies on me. I didn't do anything wrong and I thought it had plenty of gas. So I call for emergency help. Then I tried to start it again. It was just fine. I realized it was because my grass was too tall!

Front yard is finished and on to the double back yard. Now I am just going to outline the next several episodes.
1.) had to move trampoline on my own
2.) yard toys everywhere - had to move those (kids will be doing that for now on)
3.) grass is much taller and thicker. had to restart SOO many times.
4.) mowed over dog crap and then stepped in it! I don't have any dogs and everything smelled like dog shit!
5.) I am sweating, panting and feeling VERY exhausted. But I go on.
6.) Down to the double part of my back yard. It hasn't been mowed all season.
7.) Someone should have told me to wear safety goggles.
8.) I ran over every stick and rock and toy in the backyard and it hit me in every part of my body.
9.) Fell down the hill with the lawn mower and screamed profanity.
10.) Noticed neighbor watching and doing nothing
11.) Started laughing at myself
12.) Couldn't stop and wet my pants
13.) Laughed even harder.
14.) Had to finish yard - so I finished
15.) I almost died - I promise

After all of that I knew I had progressed along the dying process. I tried to tell people about it and only ONE person felt bad and understood (thanks Leslie). No sympathy from anyone else. How dare all of you.

So I had to do something about it. I have to hire a lawn boy. So I got a second job. I start on Friday and I will be hiring my lawn boy very soon.

I was not made to mow lawns with a push mower.

Why - Read this post first before you read any others.

For my first entry I decided that I would explain why I am doing blogs. I debated. I debated and debated on whether I should start doing blogs. I am afraid I will get addicted. I don't have time to be addicted. But I will make time because I enjoy this. This could be a bad thing. But against all gut instinct I am doing a blog.

Why do I think I will get addicted? Just not too long ago (like two weeks ago) I rarely got online to do anything other than work or watch my soaps online while at work and occassional IM while at work. Then one day I received an email saying someone requested to be my friend on facebook. Normally, it would have been no big deal. I would have confirmed and went on with my business. I didn't really do much with facebook and couldn't see what the big deal was. When this person requested to be my friend I realized I had not been on in a while and most likely had some "out of date" information that should really be updated. So I went out to look to see what was all out there. I updated and then I started reading posts and profiles of friends. Now I can't get enough. It is so crazy. I am so addicted. I am working on getting over it. I am afraid this will happen with blogging.

I have a lot to say. I am not sure everyone wants to hear it all, but I need to get it all out. I tell Jesus, but thats not always enough. So I thought this way I could get it out and if you want to read and hear about it you can do it at your own leisure.

I am an over analyzer. I need to over analyze somewhere other than in my head. If I can over analyze on here and then read it back, maybe I will realize how crazy I am. :) I need this tool.

So with all of that - there are some rules for this. Rules for anyone that reads my blog.
1.) Don't walk away thinking I am crazy what ever you do
2.) This is my blog, my head, my thoughts - don't comment negatively.
3.) I edit at work. I am not going to edit my blog. Don't correct my grammar.
4.) Take what you read with a grain of salt. This is my thought right now. I will get over it or realize how crazy I am for feeling like that.
5.) If what I write is embarrassing for myself - don't bring it up again!

By reading any further blogs you agree to the above statements. :)

I hope this works as I plan it to work.

Amanda