What to do

I have so much I want to write tonite. But I can't write any of it. That's not like me at all. I can't write it because I am afraid someone will read it. That is crazy - for more than one reason. First I write these so that people can read it. So why am I worried that someone will read it? Second, I doubt anyone is really reading it. So what do I do?

This week has been a long week. A dramatic, chaotic week. I like to say I stay as far away from drama, but it seems lately its all around me. Maybe I am even creating it for myself. But whatever the reason - I don't like it. I know I don't like drama. Although all of my family would say I am very dramatic. But - seriously - I pretend to be dramatic for the effect. To be funny. I am not really all that dramatic on a serious side. But this week I have been dramatic. On the serious side.

Serious stuff happened at work. I seriously felt hurt and upset. It was seriously told to me in a very negative way. Then I was seriously told that it wasn't me. But I didn't take the last part seriously. I seriously thought it was me. That it was seriously something I was doing wrong. I should have seriously listened.

For three days I was upset. For three days I cried everytime I thought about it. For three days I wasted my time being upset. What was I doing? Why didn't I listen? Instead I told everyone not to tell me. That they were just over compensating for doing something wrong. They insisted. But I insisted more and I am stubborn. I am seriously stubborn. I was hurt. I was upset. I took it on people or the person I should have never taken it out on. I lost my trust. I thought I was being thrown under the bus. They told me I wasn't. I wouldn't listen.

They called to tell me. I rolled my eyes. They told me. I wasn't really listening. Then I listened. Something was said and then I listened. It was all a misunderstanding. It was told to me wrong. We had crazy schedules and I didn't know ahead of time. It was poor timing. And I didn't listen.

Today I was dealing with it. I had dealt with it. I was going to be ok. I dealt with it. Then she called. I listened. Now I am on cloud nine and wasted three days.

What do I do?