The NEW adventures of old Amanda

A compilation of (true) short stories by Amanda Odom

The Robe and the Principal.

I drive my kids to school every morning. I pull in the parking lot behind the train of cars. Drive the loop, open my back doors to let the boys out and finish the loop to exit the lot. MOST mornings I am running late. MOST mornings I wear only my robe to drop them off. MOST mornings its no big deal.

THIS morning was different. It was like a lot of mornings. I was taking the boys to school. I was wearing my robe. My hair was a mess, not brushed. BUT... this morning I was early. That was my first mistake. Ok, maybe my first mistake was wearing the robe to take the boys - but thats not the point!

So I pull up. I only let the boys out if I am either the first second or third car back. I was the fourth car back. So the first three unload their kids and pull off. As they pull off I am pulling foward and notice their school principal standing outside greeting the kids. I made sure to not make eye contact (I'm not really on her good side at the moment anyway). THEN out of the corner of my eye - as I am shutting the automatic sliding doors on my van - I see her coming running towards my car. waving her hands. I take a deep breath. I roll down my passenger side window (tried to do it just a little but she is so short I had to roll it all of the way down). Because she is on the passenger side she can see everything. My hair, my robe, my bare leg sticking out of my robe. It was not good. I was so embarrassed. I couldn't even hear what she was saying because I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that I was in my ROBE.

She finished talking and I could say was Yes. That would be great. Thank you. But what was I saying it to? What had she said? I looked away. Rolled up my window. And high tailed it out of there! Have I just agreed to higher tuition? Have I just agreed to run a committee? Have I just agreed to do some volunteer work? Have I just agreed to have my son tortured? What have I done. Whatever it is, I am sure I will find out. I said yes after all.

Therapy Gone Wrong

After I left my husband I realized that it would be best to have my children start seeing a therapist just to make sure they were handling all of the change ok. I was being a great parent. I was being proactive instead of reactive. I was doing the right thing.

When I decided this should happen I started researching the therapists on my insurance plan. I realized you do not get to know a whole lot about the therapist before you allow your child to see them. How do you know who your kids are talking to? How do you know they are not brainwashing them? You don't know.

I thought my best option was to set up a meeting for me to meet with the therapist first. This way I could give her a background history on the boys and I could get a feel for her and see if I think the boys would be comfortable with her.

I call the office. I explain to the receptionist what I am doing. She just does not understand. She thinks this is very odd. But she goes ahead with it. However; she is making me use an entire 45 min appt and pay the full fee. I begrudgingly go along with it. I make the appointment.

I show up at the office. I go in to meet the therapist. She is an older, oddly shapped woman (reminded me of Mrs. V from highschool for some reason). I sat down. She started asking me questions. I started talking. And talking. And talking. I had a lot to say. The 45 min came and went. An hour came and went.

An hour and 15 min later I was finished. I asked her if I should schedule the appointments for the boys with her or with the receptionist.

She looked at me and said "Oh honey, I think the boys can wait for awhile. You need to come in to see me for awhile. We have a lot to work on with you first."

THAT was the last time we saw that CRAZY woman!!!

That's My Boy!

Noah talked me into letting him play football this year. It was completely against my better judgment. But he was so excited and so enthusiastic that I could not disappoint him. I said yes.

$250 dollars later Noah was a football player. Now, I am a single mom. A single mom that has only watched a handful of football games and those times were probably only to impress some guy. I have NO clue about football at all.

Noah is in the third grade. He is on the third/fourth grade team. Most of these kids have been playing since kindergarten. This is Noah's first year. I can not help him in anyway. So I know this year is going to be a sideline kind of year. But that is ok. He loves it. I love seeing him happy.

I take him to practices. He loves it. He has his first scrimmage. Of course he should be able to play since it is just a scrimmage and doesn't count for anything. By the THIRD scrimmage game he hasn't played once. So during the third game (the last game of the scrimmage) at the end I started bitching to one of the parents about how Noah didn't get to play at all. That all of the other children had. I was upset that I was paying $250 for him to play and he wasn't even getting to play for the scrimmage. As I was bitching I looked up and realized that I missed him play in the very last play of the game. So I learned - don't bitch anymore - just watch the game.

Then he has a game. His first game. He gets to play on the kick off team (maybe kick off return, i don't know the difference). Our team kicks the ball. The other team tries to catch it and our team tries to tackle the guy with the ball.

The other team caught the ball and the kid was running it. He was getting pretty far and out team can't catch him. Then all of the sudden - out of no where - Noah runs and tackles the kid. It was so amazing it was GREAT.

Game TWO. I am so proud of Noah from the last game and I SURE he will be playing in this game. So when they asked who wanted to volunteer to be a part of the "chain gang" I agreed to do it. This way I would HAVE to pay attention to the game and possibly I might learn something.

Near the end of the game Noah gets to go in for the opposite of the what ever the last kick off team was. The other team was kicking the ball and our team was catching. So I am watching. The team kicks the ball. Our team runs for it. NOAH picks up the ball and starts running with it. Everyone is screaming and yelling. I am cheering as loud as I can. I am right next to him. I am screaming "RUN NOAH, RUN!" He is so close to a touchdown and two guys from the other team are on his tail. I am screaming "THAT'S MY BOY!!!"

THEN I realize people are screaming "NO!! NOAH, NO!!" I looked at someone and they were like he's running the wrong way! So then I suddenly scream "THAT'S NOT MY BOY!!" Finally the other team tackles Noah just before he makes a touchdown for the other team. Which would have given them another 2 points (I believe its 2). Thank GOD the other team didn't have a clue either. LOL.

OPPS!

I just started using the "text" feature of my phone this past June. I still don't have it down completely, although I MUST say I am much better than I was. I can even text while driving!!!

About a month ago I received an incredibly sweet text message from my boyfriend. I wanted to share it with Brenda (we are going through this whole dating as an adult thing together) my friend. So before I just forwarded her the text I wanted to text her to tell her what I was doing. I have NEVER forwarded any texts. So this was a new experience. So I send her a text that says "I am forwarding you a text from P. He is so sweet." Then I forward her the text.

The next thing I know I get a text from P that says "who are you forwarding my text to?" So, in a moment of panic I try to cover it up. So I responded with "I was trying to reply to your message guess I didn't do it right". Thinking I had forwarded his text to him.

Then I receive another text from him - forwarding to me the text that I had sent to Brenda telling her that I was forwarding the text to her!!!!!!! I was caught. Not only was I caught for forwarding the text but I was caught in covering up the fact that I was forwarding the text.

I have got to get my texting and covering up under control!!!!

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That is all of my stories for now. I will post more soon. I wanted to mention that I will be starting a new blog soon. It will be by invitation only. I will be blogging about my dating adventures. A certain someone (the subject of the blog) will not be invited to view so I can say anything and everything I want :) Please let me know if you want to be included on the invitation list.