My time

Tonite is the first night of one week without the boys.  Tonite is my first night of one week of ME time.  As I got ready for this week I made a lot of plans.  A lot of plans for just me.  I scheduled me time for myself.  Whether it is a bike ride, a long walk, a trip to the library or a great nap, I wrote it on my calendar.  This might be normal for some people, but for me its a little out of the ordinary.  Yes, I keep a calendar.  Yes, I put all of my important dates on it.  Yes, that is how I know where to be when.  Yes, I do live by my calendar.  But typically, I never put "me" time on there.  I would never put anything on my calendar like going bike riding or a nap.  Those are things I fit in if I have time.

This week is all about me.  I will only have time for me.  So I put everything on my calendar.  

This past week I had a few things that happened that reminded me how important my time was.  Almost every minute of my life is spent doing something for someone else.  Mostly for the boys, but there is a good portion for others.  I schedule all of that time.  My calendar gets filled quickly, and its all for other people.  Whether its soccer game, PTO, volunteering, birthday party or work.  Its not about me.  So I have decided that for now on I am putting me time on my calendar.  I am putting my bike rides on my calendar.  I am putting naps on my calendar and I am putting long walks to talk to God on my calendar.  The other stuff will have to be planned around me time.  

On the note of time, I learned something else this past week.  Not really what I was going to write about tonite, but it has been bothering me and I really do need to get it off my chest.  If I you are reading this and I am talking about you, maybe you shouldn't be reading this to begin with.  :)  It's my blog and I can talk about anything I want to.  That is what it is for.  I will never mention names if its bad - but I am sure if its about you, you will know who you are.

So what I learned.  I am someone that is almost always late.  I will surprise myself sometimes, but for the most part I am always late.  Everyone that knows me at all, knows this about me.  They pretty much expect it.  Most people will tell me things start 30 min earlier than they actually start so that I will be on time.  Sometimes I am super early! 

I come by all of this pretty naturally - my mom and dad are both the same way.  I think they are worse offenders than me.  My kids have actually missed out on getting the "Spirit Award" on more than one occasion due to be late to school (all my fault).  I have realized that I need to work on this.  Just because "I am always late" and people expect that with me, does not mean it is ok.  It's actually rude and inconsiderate.  I make people wait on me.  I never realized it because I am never the one waiting.  

The other thing I do is cancel or not show up when I am supposed to do something with someone.  I have not done this in a long time, but I have before.  I always have some "excuse" why that is, not usually the truth.  Yes, a white lie.  I don't do it because I don't want to hang out with the person or do something with the person.  It's usually because I have forgotten, made other plans because I forgot or just really don't feel like doing anything at that moment in time.  I never really thought too much about it.  I would say I am sorry and go on.  Now I know how awful that is.  I know how frustrating that is.  I know how irritating that is.  I know how worried you can get.  I know now.  I will never do that again.

The last weekend in May, I had a weekend all too myself.  The boys were in Chicago.  Because I knew I wouldn't have the boys I tried to make plans for the weekend, full of stuff I wanted to do for me.  Just like I have for this coming up week.  Most of my plans consisted of doing something with someone else.  Not all the same person or people.  Friday - I was cleaning, and preparing for dinner for Saturday night.  Saturday morning and afternoon I was going to a Personal Leadership workshop (excellent by the way and I will blog about it soon) Saturday evening I was cooking for someone, Saturday night I was going out dancing with a friend, Sunday morning off to church, Sunday afternoon a friend was coming up from Louisville, Sunday evening catch up on work and maybe a good nap.  

The weekend all unraveled, all in two big swoops - just because one person, no wait two people cancelled plans on me at the last minute.  A whole weekend to myself, ruined because of someone else.  I was so frustrated. I spent an entire week trying to figure out a menu for Saturday night, went grocery shopping for specific ingredients, test cooked the meal ahead of time to be sure it was a good recipe since I had not tried it before, stayed up late Friday to prepare everything I could because I wouldn't have much time to cook Saturday.  Then Saturday morning I got the dreaded email.  Canceling on me.  I at least appreciated the email.  There was a reason for it.  I was not mad or upset.  Disappointed, but I was ok.  He suggested Sunday evening instead.  I said ok.

So I went to church Saturday evening instead, took a nice long nap, convinced myself not to go ahead and eat the dessert I had prepared and then went out with Brenda.  I had a great time with Brenda.  Got home late and was getting ready for bed.  Then I noticed I had two text messages.  My friend from Louisville, canceling on me.  No big deal.  I had plenty to do to prepare for my dinner Sunday and this way I could sleep in.  

I got up Sunday (late), I started with a shower and took my time slowly getting ready for dinner Sunday night.  About 30 min before I was going to start cooking I texted him to be sure he was still coming.  Of course he was, I had not heard otherwise and I was sure that meant he would be there.  I left to go pick up wine glasses because I had completely forgotten I had never brought them from Chris's house and while I was there I got a text.  He was not coming.  He had not heard back from me so he made other plans.  I was so upset.  I was so disappointed.  I had been looking forward to it for a whole week.  I was crushed.  I had gone to so much effort and he didn't care.  So, of course I had to let him know.  But because we can't talk by phone, I had to email him.  I told him how upset I was.  Obviously, he cared less than I thought because he never even emailed back to say he was sorry.  Or anything at all.  

I probably shouldn't not have gotten that upset.  It was just dinner.  Who cares.  I think I was mostly upset, no, I know I was mostly upset because I had missed out my entire weekend because of someone else.  Someone that has a rep for canceling on me.  I should have known better.  I should have made back up plans.  I should never have let someone get to me like that.  I was mad at myself really - but needed to blame someone else of course :). 

Ok - I got off on a tangent (I guess I needed to get that off my chest more than I had realized).  My whole point in this is that I now know how much canceling on someone at the last minute can really ruin their entire day.  I will never do this to someone else again.  It is so frustrating.  It is so irritating and it is a big deal.  If I have ever done this to you, I am so sorry.  I am sorry for doing it, sorry for not saying I was sorry and sorry that I didn't know.  

I know how important my time is to me.  My time is very precious and I don't have much of it.  So when some of it is wasted, I know I will never get it back and it is very upsetting to me.  I now realize that EVERYONE'S time is just as precious as mine.  I promise I will never be disrespectful about it again.  I promise.  

Now I am off to begin my week of "me time" beginning with an early relaxing night in bed.