Fear

So I was thinking tonite. Thats already a bad sign - I know. And that was such a cliche - ok maybe not a cliche but totally typical to say. But for me - it REALLY is a bad sign. Like I have said so many times before I am an over analyzer. I really do over analyze everything.

So tonite I was thinking... I was thinking about how scared I get. Then I was thinking about how I LOVE scary movies and shows. But how in the world do I love them? I have to cover my eyes during scary parts, I get all tense and stressed and then afterwards I am TERRIFIED of everything. I can't sleep because I lie awake thinking of ways I can escape, except I can't think of any so then I start to panic that I don't know how I am going to get the boys and escape without the murderer finding us... So then I either go get the boys and bring them in bed with me or I go crawl in bed with them. But all of the while - I HAVE to watch the damn scary show or movie. And I love it! What is wrong with me?

BTW - I was trying to find a good picture of FEAR. This is it. This was a friend's little boy that went camping with us in 2007 - this was his face after I told one my ghost stories. LOL. Poor guy! You have to click on it to enlarge it to get the full 'fear factor'! He is so cute.

Some people like pain. They like the feeling. So i thought maybe this was similar. But I hate it. I hate pain. I hate everything about it. I can even say I hate how scared I get after watching this scary crap. But for some reason it is so intriguing. I am so drawn to it.

Let me throw this out there. I don't like fake scary movies or shows. I am not big on the horror films. When I say scary I mean like criminal minds scary. Murder mysteries. But its more on the serial killer murder mysteries. Those people attack and kill anyone and don't feel any remorse. It is SCARY. It could happen to anyone anywhere. I am just as random as the last random person to be victimized. It could happen. Not to mention that - although many "westsiders" think this is a great "up & coming" neighborhood - the neighborhood I live in is a haven for crime. Seems to be random crime. So it terrifies me.

So I just sat and watched five minutes of castle. FIVE minutes. I have never seen the show before and most of the five minutes was updates from last week and I am terrified. I actually got myself to turn it off and go to bed. But here I sit over an hour later terrified. I keep hearing noises. I freak out over every one of them. Why do I do it to myself?

I have lived alone (without other adults) now for a year and a half and I am still terrified at night. It doesn't help that the boyfriend scared the crap out of me this evening (not on purpose - but still!). Why am I so scared?

I need a pool boy to keep me from being scared at night. Thats a justifiable reason to need to hire a poolboy right? :)

I am going to crawl in bed with the boys now! Goodnight all.

Amanda

Pray for You

I fell in love with this song. I loved it so much and I felt like it was so fitting that I had to share it with others.

This goes out to a "special" someone that will soon no longer be in any part of my life.

Song: Pray for you
Artist: Jaron & the long road to love

I havent been to church since I don’t remember when
Things were goin’ great ‘til they fell apart again
So I listened to the preacher as he told me what to do
He said you can’t go hatin’ others who have done wrong to you
Sometimes we get angry, but we must not condemn
Let the good Lord do His job and you just pray for them

I pray your brakes go out runnin’ down a hill
I pray a flowerpot falls from a window sill and knocks you in the head like I’d like to
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you’re flyin’ high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know whereever you are honey, I pray for you

I’m really glad I found my way to church
‘Cause I’m already feelin’ better and I thank God for the words
Yeah I’m goin’ take the high road
And do what the preacher told me to do
You keep messin’ up and I’ll keep prayin’ for you

I pray your tire blows out at 110
I pray you pass out drunk with your best friend and wake up with his and her tattoos

I pray your brakes go out runnin’ down a hill
I pray a flowerpot falls from a window sill and knocks you in the head like I’d like to
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you’re flyin’ high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know whereever you are, near or far, in your house or in your car,
wherever you are honey, I pray for you.

Hope your smiling now!!!!!

Amanda

Las Vegas

Ok - I don't know where to begin on this trip. I had such a GREAT time. It was my very FIRST time to go on vacation without the kids. It was definitely an adult trip. As far as this blog goes I am just going to highlight a few things. Just know it was a blast and I really do remember most of it - and more than what I am blogging about :). I really wanted to post this so I could post some pictures. I am finally starting to post pictures on here!!! Now that I have a new camera.

My flight was leaving at 6am out of Indianapolis. I wanted to be there by 5am. Give me an hour to park, get through security and everything else. It is about a two hour drive if you drive the speed limit. I don't. So I left at 2:30 am to give myself wiggle room and time to get gas.

I was loaded up, and on my way. 2:30 am. It had started snowing and the roads were already covered. As I headed north it only got worse. But it was ok. I had plenty of wiggle room. THEN there was an accident. I sat behind a huge, nasty, loud and smelly semi-truck for almost an hour. I just knew I was going to miss my flight.

I called Airtran. The lady was nice and pleasant as I was crying (surprise, surprise). But all she could tell me is that I could fly standby on any other flight for no extra cost. But most of the flights for the day were beyond capacity (which meant they would have to put the extra people on the open flights - so they would all be booked).

So what was a girl to do? FLY herself to the airport. Thank God all of the cops were getting donuts and coffee that time of the morning! I got to the airport at 5:45. I HAD to park in short term parking ($18.00 a day!!!) and I high tailed it into the airport. I already had my boarding passes printed (THANK GOD!) and went right through security. Some people are so slow... but I made it anyway. Then I RAN (to the very end of the terminal of course!) to my gate. The lady had no sympathy. "But the plane is still there and the door is open" She still said no. The paperwork was already done. So I went across the hall to another woman. She was like - oh goodness sweetheart - of course you can get on the plane. So she reprinted the paperwork and told me to hand it to the person that was to meet me at the door. So I went to the door - it was the woman that told me no of course. I don't think she was happy. BUT I WAS :)

So I made it to Atlanta. Then I had a 4.5 hour layover. It wasn't all that bad. Relaxing compared to my morning. At some point I realized my flight was flight number 777! I was so stinking excited. I couldn't stop talking about it. I told everyone I could.

I got on my flight - a 4.5 hour flight. I was stuck in the middle between two men. It was so uncomfortable. No wiggle room, no arm room, no let room. I was squished. But luckily the two men were really nice. One bought me drinks (a bloody mary, mmmm) and then he offered to his buddies give me a ride to the hotel from the airport. They were there for the Nascar race (one for work) so they had a rental car. Don't worry - he was a nice guy. I took him up on it. Heck I needed to save some money to pay for the short term parking!!!

I got to the hotel. I was hot, sweaty and stinky. The lady at the desk told me the only rooms they had available were king size beds because it was not 3pm yet. I couldn't take one - but I was so tired. I had been up since 6am the day before (so for 36hrs!) and I stunk. I needed a shower and a nap. She was so nice. She gave me a room and told me that at three I could call to the desk and get a new room with two queens. It worked beautifully.

The rooms were AMAZING. I walked in the door for the first time and the curtains opened, the lights came on and the radio started playing. It was gorgeous.

So now on to the fun stuff.... Thursday night I took a big nap and then Leslie and Jess got to the hotel and then we got all showered and dressed and went out to meet up with some of Leslie's friends that were out there and leaving the next morning. We had a lot to drink. Leslie was recovering from her plane ride of drinks :)

Friday was a whole new day. We got up - got dressed and went to brunch. Somehow I don't remember much of what happened after that. We walked around. Saw things. We went back to the hotel and got dressed for the night.


We walked FOR FOREVER to go back to where we had just been so we could see the dueling piano bar. We had such a great time. I paid them to sing (two guys) happy birthday, Marilyn Monroe stlye, to Leslie. From that point on every song had Leslies name in it some how. We had so much fun. I discovered Dirty Martini's. That was trouble. Leslie's Andre showed up and hung out with us. We met one of the piano guys. He had a couple drinks with us and then we all went to sing karaoke. Thats where I don't remember everything. But I do know I sang karaoke!!!

Saturday rolls around. Up and at em early. Off to breakfast. Wait I think we might have slept in. I don't remember having breakfast. Or maybe I was just still feeling. Anyway we spent the day walking and shopping and walking and shopping. We got to see so much. We had such a great time.

Then it was time for the limo. Limo was picking us up at 6pm. We got all dressed and ready to go. We were smoking hot. Ok maybe not me but Leslie and Jess for sure! The limo driver was really late. Said there was some confusion on time. But we got in and started to head out. It started to rain. Everything we had planned on seeing was canceled. But don't worry. We still managed to have a blast!!! I somehow ended up falling asleep in the limo and never recovering from my nap until sometime Sunday morning :) I think I had food poisoning!

Sunday the girls had to get up and pack and leave. Andre came and picked them up and they headed to the airport. I had a little more time. Then packed and checked out of the hotel. I had 10 hours to do whatever I wanted to do with my time - by myself - with no hotel. A little scary. But I am a big girl and I was in VEGAS!!! So trust me I found plenty to do. I bought all of my souvenirs for everyone. I gambled. I walked. I ate. i took pictures. Then I was foolish and went back to the piano bar. Only cuz it was free and I could sit and be entertained. Met a whole table of ladies there and I joined them and we had another blast. They were great. I would go on in more detail but its late. Maybe Ill come back some time and edit this blog. Then I had to leave for the airport. I didn't want to but I did. Everything went smoothly.

I got on the plane and it all went downhill. I am not blogging about that right now though.... short version - obnoxious man behind me was obnoxious through entire red eye flight, kept me up all night and was arrested when we landed. I was kept awake again for 14 hrs then had an hour nap then up again for 9 hours and then slept an entire day :)

Oh i did want to say when i got home from the airport my sweetie came and surprised me. I was so so so excited. I had missed him so much and I didn't think I would see him until the next weekend.

So I am exhausted now and going to bed. Hope u enjoy the blog and the pictures. Good night.