Last night, in the middle of pure exhaustion and a long drive to Fairfield, I had time to think. I didn't really want to be thinking. But it happened.
I have been whining this week about everything going on this week. I shouldn't be whining. It's my job. It's only going to last a week. Not my attitude last night. Then I started thinking. When I whine, why do I do it? What is the point? What do I think or want to get out of it?
Whining brings you down. You dwell on the negative. Whining brings the person you are whining to down. Gives them a negative focus on you. Whining seems so counterproductive. Why in the hell am I doing it?
I hate pitty. HATE it. There have been some things that have happened in my life, that it would have helped to talk to people about, but I didn't. I didn't because I was so worried people would pitty me. I don't want pitty. I don't want someone to feel sorry for me. It makes me feel even worse. It makes me feel uncomfortable. It makes me embarrassed. It makes me cry. Don't pitty me!
Because of that, I truly believe that the reason I whine has nothing to do with wanting pitty. So again, why do I whine?
I don't like *fixers*. I don't like when I whine, for someone to try to fix it all for me. I know what I have to do. I am just whining to get it off my chest. I am just whining. Don't try to fix my problems for me. There is just sometimes that life sucks and you just have to get through it and not fix it. If I wanted to know how to fix it - I would ask you. When I whine - I am not asking how to fix it. I am whining! I am not trying to knock the *fixers* out there, because I know they are just doing it because they are trying to help and I think that is so nice and wonderful and really sweet of them. But for me - IT DRIVES ME BONKERS!
At this point I am realizing that maybe I just described why I whine - just to whine, just to get it off my chest. Maybe, my real question should be, how do I want people to respond when I whine?
***side thought*** God, it really is scary in my head!!!
Last night I was whining to Pierre. Yes, I feel sorry for him. I felt so much better after the conversation. So - I am going to use that conversation to try to figure out how I wanted him to respond. I know you are excited now! I already know I would NOT want him to pitty me. I would NOT want him to *fix* it for me. I have always said that I JUST want someone to listen. I still believe that. ESPECIALLY when I complain, gripe, whine or bitch. I am just saying it. I just have to get it out. (the whole point of a blog for me, so I can complain, gripe, whine and bitch - get it all out and not worry about pitty, *fixers* or bringing anyone else down) I think that I just want someone to acknowledge that I am feeling that way, that I am right or ok for feeling that way. Someone to just nodd and agree with me. Just LISTEN.
That is NOT what Pierre did last night. Somehow, I felt so much better after talking to him. CRAZY, CRAZY, I know! I really appreciated it last night. This won't work in every situation, MOST situations I would still just rather have someone listen. I believe the difference is that I wasn't bitching or griping. When I bitch, gripe and complain - I am just frustrated, aggravated and annoyed. I just want to say it. This week, I wasn't sure I could get through the week. It was whining. It was stress. It was pure - not sure how I am going to do this. I needed more than just listen. But still not pity or a *fix*.
He turned my negative, counter productive whining into something encouraging and positive. How does he do it, no one knows! LOL. It really takes a special person to be able to put up with me!
When I complained, when I griped, when I bitched - he listened. THEN - when I whined, when I was sure I couldn't finish the week, he told me how amazing he thought I was. How even though this week was tough, even though lots of other people were going through the same thing, I was doing it, getting my job done and surviving. He was so encouraging. He built me up. Everything I was worried about, he reminded me that I could do it. He offered his help (not that I took him up on it, but it was sweet). Maybe offering help is sort of like a *fixer* but he asked what he could do for me - he didn't say "you should do this, or it might be better if you do this" stuff. He wanted to help me do what I knew I needed to get done, if I needed his help.
He couldn't be there for me to lean on, to rub my feet, to rub my shoulders, to take over with the boys. But his words of encouragement really lifted me up and gave e the strength to keep my butt going.
So I was writing this blog this morning during my conference. I didn't get finished so I am finishing tonite. During the day I found out that even though I declined his offer to help - he took his lunch break and went to the grocery and picked me up toilet paper, bread, milk and lunchables so I would have to make the boys lunch tonite. He did my dishes and left me roses on the table. Amazing. Not the purpose of this blog but I had to add it.
So I was really going to finish all of my thoughts in this blog but I am so out of the mood now. Well at least it kept me busy during the conference, sitting at the AV table supervising the people that knew what to do way more than I did.
Working Out At Home
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These are STRANGE times indeed.
I've loved my health club FOREVER.
Since clubs have been closed since mid March, I've been navigating the
waters of workin...
3 years ago
