cutting grass

I know I have already complained to everyone I know about mowing my grass. But I need to let it all out.

I want to say that I used to cut my grass all of the time growing up. It was on a riding lawn mower and ofter topless so I could get a tan. So I am not too good to cut grass.

Last week I knew I needed to cut my grass and it was going to be on my own. I don't have a lawn mower yet so I needed to borrow one. I started asking around. Then it rained almost all week. It was bad. My grass got taller and taller. People saw my grass. It was quite embarrassing. Although it did go well with my 1980's tv sitting on my front porch waiting to go out in the trash!

So this week I knew I had to do it. I borrowed a lawn mower (thanks Chris). Everyone told me I would enjoy it and it would be so relaxing. So I was looking forward to it.

I picked up the mower. Unloaded it (it was very heavy by the way) and then went to start it. I could not find the red button he told me to push first. I looked everywhere. Then some guy walked by and he could tell I had no clue. He showed me how to start it and got it all started and then RELEASED the safety lever. He wanted me to start it myself. That was just plain mean.

I started it and I was on my way. It was going great. Nice vibrations, smelled good and I felt good for doing it. In fact I was ready to start offering to do it for everyone I knew. Free of charge just because I loved it. Then I finished my first circle around the yard. On to my second. I was exhausted, tired and my hands were hurting. Not to mention that my shoes were green. No one told me not to wear my good tennis shoes.

At this point I realize its not fun, but I have to get the job done. I continue. Then suddenly it dies on me. I didn't do anything wrong and I thought it had plenty of gas. So I call for emergency help. Then I tried to start it again. It was just fine. I realized it was because my grass was too tall!

Front yard is finished and on to the double back yard. Now I am just going to outline the next several episodes.
1.) had to move trampoline on my own
2.) yard toys everywhere - had to move those (kids will be doing that for now on)
3.) grass is much taller and thicker. had to restart SOO many times.
4.) mowed over dog crap and then stepped in it! I don't have any dogs and everything smelled like dog shit!
5.) I am sweating, panting and feeling VERY exhausted. But I go on.
6.) Down to the double part of my back yard. It hasn't been mowed all season.
7.) Someone should have told me to wear safety goggles.
8.) I ran over every stick and rock and toy in the backyard and it hit me in every part of my body.
9.) Fell down the hill with the lawn mower and screamed profanity.
10.) Noticed neighbor watching and doing nothing
11.) Started laughing at myself
12.) Couldn't stop and wet my pants
13.) Laughed even harder.
14.) Had to finish yard - so I finished
15.) I almost died - I promise

After all of that I knew I had progressed along the dying process. I tried to tell people about it and only ONE person felt bad and understood (thanks Leslie). No sympathy from anyone else. How dare all of you.

So I had to do something about it. I have to hire a lawn boy. So I got a second job. I start on Friday and I will be hiring my lawn boy very soon.

I was not made to mow lawns with a push mower.